It works better if you nurture it (24 things about confidence I wish I’d known sooner than now)

kendall-new-laughI’m confident. I’m fearful.

I’m certain. I’m terrified.

It’s all happening in the space of a few split seconds and it’s a mix of emotions that as a woman entrepreneur there is no way you’re going to escape feeling.

Maybe guys don’t get into this feeling space but we women do.

We constantly question our confidence.

Or rather, we over-focus on self-doubt, leaving little room for confidence to take root, grow and blossom.

So let’s change this, okay?

Because confidence isn’t an item you check off your to-do list.

Confidence is something sacred you protect, nurture and care for every day.

Here’s why it matters…

Confidence (and it’s sister feeling of certainty) impact how you close a sale, how often you market, what much visibility you create for yourself, how you speak, how many clients you decide you want, and your pricing.

It impacts how much you grow into being the leader in your business with your team, your clients and your colleagues.

And all this determines what kind of income you make in your business.

When you feel confident, where do you feel it? In your heart or in your belly? When you feel it do you feel unstoppable, certain and determined? Do you feel excited or joyful?

It’s time to call in your God-given power to create a deep well of confidence.

Because lacking (or a lapse in) confidence isn’t a permanent state. It’s temporary, no matter how soul-sucking it may feel in the moment.

Here’s what I recommend you do: Print and post this list and read it daily.

Because this is where being in business for yourself is a huge part of your spiritual path.

So here are 24 things about confidence I wish I’d known sooner than now.

Consider this list a wake-up call for accessing your feminine grace and power.


For Business

1. Excessive worry about not being good enough is an act of spiritual self-centeredness. Start really listening and focusing in – like your life depends on it – on what your ideal client really wants you to help them with.  From corporate leaders to moms, this always works. Start enjoying the feeling of relief of getting out of your own way.

2. Be extraordinary at the things people most want from you – listening, then challenging them to get out their own way and to take action fast.  

3. Calling people out on their b.s. is an act of fierce love. Do it more often and you’ll have more clients. sm-tweet-bird

4. In the end, your clients’ results happen because they take action (not because you have to be a freaking genius).


For Goals

5. Setting small, frequent goals you meet every day tells your subconscious you can trust yourself.

6. Obsessing is good. Just choose what you’re going to obsess over.

7. Confidence doesn’t come from always succeeding, from massive time spent preparing or from wanting to know what will happen before you begin. Confidence comes from finding that feeling of certainty that you’re willing to be curious, to learn and to grow.

8. When you decide to take action, include the decision to do whatever it takes to see something through, even when it isn’t convenient or it feels risky. Hugely confidence boosting because you’ll know ahead of time you won’t quit on yourself.

9. If you’re relentless every day about listing what you did well you’ll start flooding your subconscious with proof of how awesome you truly are.

10. There are no bad decisions because every decision seemed like a good one at the time. So what if it didn’t turn out the way you expected? Hanging on to the negative just gets you more of the same. Instead, get clear on the gift the decision brought you and you’ll naturally make a different choice in the future. Done.

11. Soul searching to find even one small thing you can feel absolute certainty about as you try something new, trumps “fake it till you make it” every time.


For Relationships (In Business and Personally. Because it’s all the same)

12. Decide what you’re not going to tolerate any more. Include other people talking you down or out about what you want to do, because that’s their b.s. Don’t make it yours.

13. It’s actually really simple to ask for what you want, without over-explaining or apologizing. Practicing this daily creates a bank of confidence within you that you can draw from later when you really need it.

14. Staying silent or telling people what they want to hear (which includes over-committing, accepting inferior service or work or excuses, not getting paid) because you’re worried about their feelings isn’t doing them any favors and perpetuates you feeling unworthy. Stand in your truth. Say what needs to be said.

15. Lowering the bar because others can’t get their act together doesn’t empower or uplift anyone. It’s okay to have high expectations – you just need to surround yourself with people who share your vision of excellence (and let the others play in someone else’s sandbox).

16. Tell someone who champions you each time you stand up for yourself. Because reaching out for support and encouragement doesn’t make you weak or needy, it strengthens your confidence muscle.


In Money

17. Get into a courageous money conversation every week. Because between vendors, clients, your sweetheart, family, banks or credit card companies there’s always a situation that’s calling to you to be powerful with money.

18. You don’t have to give more to charge more. Keep shifting your energy off yourself and onto the results your clients are creating and you’ll always have the evidence you need that you can charge more.


For Yourself

19. If confidence flowed from a lava hot center this center would be your core, authentic integrity. Which means you gotta say what needs to be said. When you own your truth you steer clear of blame and any temptation to slip into old cycles of feeling disempowered.

20. Taking full responsibility for your own experience doesn’t mean criticizing – yourself or others. It means being honest about the need you were trying to get met. This is the truth that will set you free. Amen.

21. Negative self-talk is toxic garbage that needs to get dumped for the trash that it is, and replaced with compassion for the young, tender part of you that didn’t get the message of how amazing, magnificent, extraordinary, brilliant and beautiful you truly are. Believe it because it’s the truth.

22. Feeling vulnerable is the bridge you’re going to have to walk to get from that hideous, soul-wasting self-doubt you want to get rid of forever, to the joyful feeling of getting your gifts out into the world in a big, profitable way.

23. In the moments when you stop asking “What will others think?”, you open yourself up to aligning with the soul forces of grace and power. Intoxicating.

24. Keep the promises you make to yourself (which doesn’t mean being perfect – it means being honest and course correcting when you get off track) because the ability to trust yourself is a sacred gift.